My favorite aunt and uncle were married for more than sixty years. Uncle Shrop and Aunt Helen weren’t merely putting up with each other; they genuinely loved being together. Instead of flying to his cross-country meetings, they would drive so they could spend hours in the car talking and laughing. They died within months of each other because they were that connected; they were that happy.

What made them so very happy with each other and their relationship? Check out my top tips for becoming a happy (and productive) couple below:

1. Continuously work on the relationship.
I’m amazed at people who will work on the education, careers and hobbies but expect relationships to magically occur. Both individuals need to think about not only what will make them happy but what will make their partner happy. Get up every day with the idea that you’re going to do something to make your partner happy – then just do it! It’s not magic. It’s a relationship.

2. Bring happiness to the relationship.
There is only one person in the world responsible for making you happy and that’s you. It’s unfair to lay that burden on anyone else. Your partner is supposed to ‘add’ to your happiness, not generate it from scratch.

3. Avoid playing games, be accountable.
My wife said something once to a group of teenagers that I’ve always remembered. She said “boys play at love in order to get sex; and girls play at sex in order to get love.” My counseling and coaching experience tells me that she was right on point. To some people it’s all just a game to get what they want. Happy productive couples are composed of grown up people that have developed a sense of maturity that keeps them from playing childish games.

4. Embrace independence.
Uncle Shrop and Aunt Helen had activities that didn’t include each other. Uncle Shrop was an avid fisherman and was busy with a lot of lodge and church activities. Aunt Helen was incredibly busy in the community. Neither of them seemed to begrudge the other’s activities even when they weren’t included. I remember Aunt Helen making dinner for Uncle Shrop to serve when he was having a meeting at the house just before she ran out the door to a meeting of her own.

5. Push for a win-win solution in every argument.
This one is pretty easy to understand. It’s only a win if both people profit. If you want to have your way in the relationship, does that mean you want your significant other to lose? Do you really want to be in a lifelong relationship with a loser? Happy productive couples push for a win-win solution in everything they do. They have an attitude that says, “We live together, we love together, we win together.”
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Working to become a happy and productive couple doesn’t happen overnight. It can be a challenge. If you need a professional to help keep you and or your partner accountable or perhaps provide some guidance, we can certainly work with you. Complete the Free Consultation form to see if The Hidden Rules is a good fit for you and your relationship goals.