There is no perfect relationship because people join to form relationships and there are no perfect people. However, you can design your ideal relationship by sharing things you would and wouldn’t like your partner to do and by getting clear on what your partner would and wouldn’t like you to do.
In my experience coaching couples, I’ve seen firsthand how expectations are often glossed over in the hope of “lucking into” the ideal relationship. This usually results in pent up anger, resentment and frustration that could have been addressed from the beginning.
I created the exercise below to help you envision your ideal relationship, starting with things you desire from your partner and those things you will not accept. A partner who would trust you, express a great deal of physical affection and make you feel cherished and important in his or her life. A relationship where your partner wouldn’t physically abuse you, lie to you or take your generosity for granted. Maybe you envision a partner who would give you plenty of emotional support and be carried away with all of your quirks.
Before you read further, know that you can complete this exercise at any stage of your relationship. It’s never too late to stop and check in with your partner. It’s also never too early to start envisioning your ideal partner, even if and especially when you’re single. Visualization is a powerful tool for manifesting what you want in life and in love.
Thinking ahead and using the last section of the table below, what would you create or work toward with your ideal partner? A business venture, a side hustle, a family? Write it all down.
The table below might seem easy at first but don’t be fooled! The more you brainstorm, the more you notice desires of your heart that you’ve never said to yourself and certainly ones you’ve never shared with your partner.
The Would and Wouldn’t Exercise
Fill in the blanks using the prompts. If you’re coupled, share this with your partner and then compare your lists.
In my ideal relationship…my partner would
·
·
·
·
·
·
In my idea relationship…my partner wouldn’t
·
·
·
·
·
·
In my ideal relationship…my partner and I would (together)
·
·
·
·
·
·
The sharing is the hard part but it’s the most important part of completing this exercise. If you’re single, keep this somewhere you can easily find it when you when have your eyes on someone who might be your ideal partner.